Figs & Lemon

My Culinary Adventures

Why Pakistani girls are inherently “Undateable”


Why Pakistani girls are inherently “undateable” material.


We are living in a culture and a time where more and more women are empowered, responsible for their own freedom and independence, and are certainly not chasing after men in the search of stability/security/satisfaction and or happiness. We have somehow cracked the code of being enough for ourselves and becoming slowly but surely capable of creating our own happiness. This is going to sound like a super feminist post but it isn’t. It is in fact a criticism of how we raise our daughters. Article after article, one HBO show after the other, we have  (long ago) come to the realization that women don’t really need men, agreed? Agreed!

Yet we like men, and we like to date, and we like to fall in love because, you know, I mean no one really wants to die alone right? So then we set off thinking we are ready and capable of joining in on this race, and dive headfirst into the dating pool. Become the “supercool” girlfriend because hey, you’re cool like that. You go girl! You’re understanding and you’re “different” from the other girls and you don’t even argue about anything. And then a few years later *BAM* you’re just a spineless meek pushover who likes to bottle up her emotions.

The reason why that delusional idea of a perfect girlfriend fails is because you are too square. You have no opinion of your own. What you portrayed as a show of understanding got perceived as a lack of backbone. And while you were sitting here crying your eyes out googling the symptoms of depression just to make sure your therapist doesn’t start laughing at you in your face, guess who just crossed the finish line? *DING DING DING* It’s the bitch who didn’t give a shit who now has 10 guys running after her coz she was “the chase”. Yep. Obviously I’m not the first to tell you “the thrill is in the chase”. And also I cannot tell you how viable and long lasting the chase might be. But boundless manuscripts by countless menopausal women state that Men love bitches. And I can tell you from personal experience that the pushover doesn’t get to finish the race. In fact the pushover doesn’t get very far in general.

But let’s, for now, forget about the distance. Let’s say we just want to test the worthiness of Pakistani girls as good enough dating material. Now, if you are some sort of third generation American Pakistani, or grew up in Zanzibar or even grew up in Pakistan but your parents were liberal as fuck, please check yourself out of this conversation. If you are like the rest of us, who grew up in a fairly conservative Pakistani family, who was compared to the “other girls in your family” on a somewhat regular basis, who hadn’t seen Pakistan for more than 2 weeks at a stretch but was constantly told what “Pakistani girls” are supposed to be like, who was guilt tripped into feeling like the tiny shred of freedom given to you was soooooo much more than anybody else’s. If you were a sad sap like me then welcome to this:  yet another wonderful rant.

I was raised by parents who in an effort to provide a better life for their children went through a great deal of struggles and hardship to move out of Pakistan (a dangerous crazy wild blast from the stone age) to a totally new country, with zero people they knew just to be able to create a better life for their unborn children. I was raised by parents who, unlike me, never had the privilege of sitting on their asses at 26 taking the day to figure out the meaning of life and how to find inner peace. Instead by then they were probably already slapped in the face with 2 kids to feed. I was raised by parents who didn’t even know they were raising a third culture kid because heck they don’t know what a third culture kid is! Yet here I am. Raised. And Fucked up, a little bit. Why you ask? Because I didn’t like the way I was raised. I was an american machine put together based on instructions that were in Japanese. Ok that’s probably the worst analogy ever, but I’m sticking to it. The point I am trying to make is that I was raised as a Pakistani girl because that is the only way my parents had seen, and the only way they knew to raise a child. Now, it’s not their fault their snot nosed kid grew up to be culturally confused because she hadn’t the slightest clue what these “other Pakistani girls” that she is being compared to are actually like. Coz let’s face it, I don’t really have Pakistani friends. The couple that I do have are also third culture like me and so equally as confused.

So what is this Pakistani culture that most conservative families raise their daughters in and why does it create a breed of unwanted undateable weirdos? Because Pakistani girls are always told to conform. To obey. To not speak up even if you have an opinion because speaking up is disrespectful and therefore bad. Pakistani girls are told to not go out, not see the world, not travel solo, because girls can’t do these things alone. What will “the people” say? And once the people find out what a dirty little slut your daughter is because god forbid she went on a holiday with her friends she is officially un-marriageable. But the fact that she was never allowed to live her life, just so she could be this protected privelleged little fuck who doesn’t have a single interesting story to tell, makes her inherently UnDateable!! Which is why, even when she does become a wife, the kind that has saved herself for her husband and put her life on hold only to be able to do everything with her husband, who by the way has probably already lived his life by now because this whole time he was being raised with the notion that his life is OVER after marriage, even when she does become a wife she doesn’t automatically become likeable. And now he is married to a bore-bag who doesn’t have an opinion, or a clue, but hey, she makes the best daughter in law ever. Because that’s what she has been programmed to become all her life!!

In my opinion that is the most idiotic way of raising your daughters. You might aswell rear a flock of sheep. Regardless of whatever suffering you had to endure as parents, raising your children like you still live in the stone age defies the whole purpose of the struggle of leaving a country in the first place. Leaving a country (for good) means leaving a culture. People need to accept that. Yes you can hold onto pieces of your culture in a different country. But it will always be a hybrid, a mix of two cultures. To enforce fully a whole other culture of a country your kids don’t even associate themselves to, is straight up idiocy. And what is even more ludicrous is parents demanding a “good husband” for their daughter. Fucckkk me!! That ” good husband” found the love of his life on a hike up some mountain and now they have four kids together. Let’s get real. The point is to make your daughters as such that they are deserving of demanding and rejecting freely and without hesitation or any kind of pressure. Don’t enforce your naive stupid daughter who doesn’t know what she wants in life onto the frail shoulders of someone else whilst preaching to her that what he wants is eventually what she should want as well. I call total BS on that one parents!!


-The End-

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